Love Languages: How to Use Acts of Service in Your Relationship


If you feel that love is missing, the acts of service love language can reconnect you with your partner to improve your relationship.  

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Love Languages: How to Use Acts of Service to Help Your Relationship 

Now and again, every couple will hit a rough patch in their relationship. Many couples feel that they are no longer on the same page as their partner, leading to anxiety, frustration, and even low mood. 

Often, the problem is caused by a difference in your language of love. Understanding these languages will show you how different people like to experience love.   

Here, we will look at how one love language, acts of service, could help you to reconnect and focus your energy on ensuring you both feel part of a loving relationship. Also, we will tell you how online therapy can help you improve your relationships.  

The 5 Love Languages 

couple sitting on the field facing the city
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Sadly, a breakdown in communication is often the source of unhappiness within a relationship. However, re-establishing your connection is more complicated than simply talking to each other.   

With many of the couples he worked with, a marriage counselor Dr. Gary Chapman began to notice that one partner would feel that the other didn’t make them feel loved. The other felt sure that they were being loved. This led Dr. Chapman to realize that individuals need to be shown love in different ways. 

Dr. Chapman has since described 5 languages of love. Recognizing your and your partner’s primary love language could help ensure you are both doing everything that the other needs to feel loved.  

Words of Affirmation 

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If words of affirmation is your first love language, you’ll value verbal affection, including regularly being told “I love you,” as well as being complimented and encouraged.  

People who need words of affirmation may also place a lot of value on written affection, including texts or other digital messages. 

Receiving Gifts 

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Rather than needing verbal or written affection, if you value receiving gifts, you will feel that your partner demonstrates their love through gift-giving.  

This does not necessarily mean that you want to be showered with presents. Instead, receiving well-meaning and thoughtful gifts shows you just how much your partner cares. 

Quality Time 

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If quality time is your love language, you will feel most loved when your partner wants to spend time with you away from all other distractions. This may involve TV-free evenings, having their undivided attention or long periods of talking or listening. 

Physical Touch  

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If physical touch is very important, you will need kisses, hand-holding, cuddles, and sex to feel loved and appreciated

Even if your partner shows you love in every other way, if physical touch is missing, you may struggle to feel their love.  

Acts of Service 

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Acts of service is often considered a practical love language. If this is your love language, you will feel that your partner shows you love by completing tasks or making decisions that will help you.  

This might include cooking dinner, running an errand on your behalf, or getting up early with the children so you can sleep in. 

Upon reading about the five different languages of love, it may be obvious to you which one you best identify with.  

However, if you struggle to identify the behaviors that make you feel most loved, you may benefit from working through this with an experienced counselor. 

Acts of Service 

If acts of service are your or your partner’s love language, it is important to think about how you can feel or show love in your relationship.  

Acts of Service for Your Partner 

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If your partner values acts of service as an expression of love, you will need to commit to performing these acts to sustain your relationship. Acts of service require thoughtfulness, dedication, and selflessness. 

If this doesn’t come naturally to you, you may need some help to adjust to a new way of demonstrating your love. Accessing online therapy services means you can quickly speak to a specialist who can help you work through any anxieties or obstacles that might be preventing you from performing acts of service.  

As you begin communicating with acts of service, you could choose to make your partner feel loved in a few simple but greatly appreciated ways, including: 

  • Making them a coffee in bed each morning 
  • Taking care of the tasks that they don’t enjoy, such as unloading the dishwasher 
  • Cooking dinner if they work late 

The wonderful thing about acts of service is that when both partners use this love language, it promotes a supportive, healthy relationship where everyone’s needs are taken care of.  

Acts of Service from Your Partner 

If you feel loved when your partner performs a thoughtful gesture, then it is important to tell them this. Although it might seem obvious to you, your partner may have a different primary love language and may therefore be unaware of what you need. 

You might feel anxious about telling your partner what you need or want. Many women with anxiety or low self-esteem find that therapy is beneficial for developing the courage to voice desires. Asking kindly and gently for what you want is vital for a relationship based on respect. 

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It is important to recognize that your partner may be unable to offer acts of service at all times. These acts can be time-consuming, so the key is to appreciate when your partner can show you love in the way you prefer. 

Final Thoughts 

If your relationship feels like it is under strain or that there is a disconnect between the two of you, a difference in love languages may be to blame. A strained relationship can add to feelings of anxiety or lower your self-esteem, making it harder to know how to reconnect with your partner.  

Talking to an impartial therapist online on Calmerry could give you the space and time to reflect on your own love language and what you need to feel loved in your relationship. You may also learn how you and your partner can demonstrate your love to each other more effectively for a content, healthy relationship.